New Year, New Semester, New Office

2013.

Well, the Mayans were wrong and we're still here.  Guess that means I should work on my thesis.  With this new year and semester comes new classes, or, to be more specific in my case, class.  Yes, ladies and gents, I'm only technically taking one class this semester.  My other hours are research hours.  That means, I have ABSOLUTELY NO EXCUSE NOT TO WORK ON MY THESIS.  I'm not screaming at y'all, promise.  I'm screaming at myself because I am the world's worst procrastinator...or so I thought.  I love my boyfriend, but holy crap, he's worse than I am.  But that's not my story to tell.

The other reason I have NO EXCUSE is that I was super lucky enough to snag an office on campus.  Our department head said there was extra space.  I threw my name into the pot, and voila! I have an office! I share it with an awesome girl who completely saved my ass in Stats last semester (seriously though, would have failed without her). The office space itself is a little "rape-y," but we have strength in numbers and well-lit areas.  We have no windows (yay artificial lighting), a giant X-Ray machine is in the middle of the office corral probably giving us cancer right now, and the building is right next to Kyle Field aka a million years from everywhere else we (Anthro people) need to be.  I'm just looking at it as extra exercise.  I need something to keep me motivated.

2013 is going to be one of those important years I think.  Lots of major changes are coming up for my family and friends so I have no doubt that most, if not all. will impact me in some way.  My mom and stepdad are moving to California at the end of February after only being in Pennsylvania a little over a year and a half.  Gotta love job transfers...One of my best friends and her husband are expecting this summer so a baby will only add awesomeness to my group of friends (Team Baby!)  One of my other best friends is finally moving her and husband's butts back to Texas sometime this summer too.

I think the most important one will be my boyfriend graduating in May though.  Once he graduates, he may end up anywhere.  Where ever a job takes him, he will go.  Even though I'm behind on my thesis work, I want to try and graduate in December so I don't have to be away from him so long (tentative graduation for me is May 2014).  Yes, that's super sappy, but I'm in love with him, what can I say?

So, here's to a new year.  May it be full of happy times, good food, fun, and wonderful company. Cheers!

Election 2012

Twelve years ago, I remember falling asleep watching election results because the presidential election had not yet been called for either candidate.  That was an outcome that would not be known for several more weeks after a Supreme Court ruling.  I hope that tonight does not end up the same way.  All of that being said, go vote if you have not already.  If you're not registered, then poo on you.  You don't get to complain about the turn of events tonight.

As most people know, I am a President Obama supporter.  I even had my car vandalized because of it.  I consider myself pretty darn liberal, much to the chagrin of some family members.  People have different reasons they find important.  Some people believe the economy is the most important factor, some immigration, some foreign policy/the War in Afghanistan, others LGBTQIA or equal rights issues, the environment, reproductive rights, or religious freedom.

I know that some people (mostly older, mostly Republican) think that young people who vote Democrat will eventually "come to their senses" and vote Republican as they age.  Those people think that someone like myself doesn't care about the correct or appropriate issues and don't bother to research policy stances on the ones we do find important.  While I know that some people my age will switch parties and ways of thinking as they get older, I don't think I will.  The issues that matter to me right now will remain the issues that I continue to care about for the rest of my life.  Others may find those issues trivial or frivolous or "pie in the sky"/idealistic, but to me, they make up who I am.

I stand with President Obama for four more years, not because I agree with him on every issue (because, I assure you, I have disagreed with his stances or approaches many times), but because I believe he cares about ME.  Me as a student, as a woman, as a member and supporter of the LGBTQIA community, as a person who has taken enough environmental science/studies classes to know to be concerned, as a member of the 47% of Americans that don't pay taxes, as a sister to two veterans, as an aunt to two beautiful little boys, as a daughter to four parents who will eventually be senior citizens and retired, as a citizen of the United States of America.

You may not understand the issues I care about, agree with them, or even see that they are issues, but, please, I beg of you, respect them.

Things I was "never" going to do

For some reason, I've been sitting here thinking about all the big milestones, events, and activities in my life that I said I would "never" do. You know, those clubs you'd never join, colleges you'd never attend, the things hell would have to freeze over for you to do. For example, I am deathly afraid of needles and never ever thought I'd get a tattoo, but I decided to face my fear and get one. I love music and I love hearts, so I got a treble clef and a bass clef in the shape of a heart. Not life-changing like my other "nevers" but still a biggie.


I was never going to be in Academic Decathlon...

Too many horror stories of the long hours and crazy workload. Whoops, lol. I was in Octathlon my sophomore year and AcDec junior and senior year. It helped prepare me for college and develop my study habits (or procrastination habits...).

I was never going to go to a private religious school for college...

Going to Baylor was an amazing experience. I met some of my best friends there, studied under great professors, and loved every minute of it. I am a Baylor Bear and proud to say so :)

I was never going to join a sorority...

Like, omg, I could never join something like that. One day though, I turned into pod-Lizzy and went to a Kappa Delta open house my sophomore year and never looked back. Best decision ever. I love my sorority and being a member of that specific chapter (in addition to being on council) taught me valuable lessons that I'll always take with me. If people ever ask if I "was" in a sorority, I'll say smile and say, "No, I am a Kappa Delta."

I was never ever in a million freaking years going to Texas A&M for any degree.

HOLY CRAP, HELL FROZE OVER Y'ALL...yes, I'm still a Baylor Bear, but I'm a weird, rare hybrid Bear-Aggie. Going to TAMU made fiscal sense for my Masters. In state tuition and all tha fun stuff. Since being here, I've made fantastic friends in my department because, let's get real, anthro people reall are the best kinds of people. Oh, and I met my boyfriend, but that wasn't that important or anything...

If I had gone to NC State, or UNC-W, or USF, or Columbia, I never would have met Andrew. I love him with all my heart and couldn't imagine not having him in my life. So, while I am begrundgingly an Aggie, I wouldn't change it for anything.

I guess what I'm trying to say is don't put so much weight on the word "never." I take it and use it more for emphasis rather than literal meaning. At one point, I never thought any of these previous things would have happened, let alone completely shape me into the person I am today. Look back and see what things you've said you'd never do. I wonder how many of those might change and end up changing you..

My Best Friend's Wedding

On Saturday, July 14^th 2012, my best friend married the man of her dreams—her best friend, her lover, the future father of her children, the person who will ALWAYS be able to reach whatever she needs on the top shelf (he’s 6’ 7”), the one person she will always be able to count on in good times and in bad.  I had the honor of being able to be a part of her special day as a bridesmaid and I am so thankful for it J

Many, if not most, people reading this know what Tiffany and I went through.  If you didn’t know either of us at the time, I talked about it in my very first post if you need a background summary.  Those six and a half months were the worst months of my life.  I felt like a shell of the person I used to be, unhappy and angry.  The turning point for both us had, actually, nothing to do with me.  Tiffany met Shane J Meeting him was the major turning point for her.  She realized that this is the type of guy she needed to be with…or exactly the guy she needed to be with.  She broke up with Chris, which set in motion a gradual road to recovery for our friendship and our very long overdue confrontation with Chris for both of us.  Without Shane, she and I would both still be miserable.  Maybe we would have gotten to where we are today, but I don’t know that for sure.   Shane was our saving grace.

Shane, she is yours now.  Yes, she still belongs to her friends and family, but most of all, she is yours.  Take care of her.  Love her even when she irrationally freaks out (I love you, Tiff).  Be prepared to get back to Texas the SECOND you are done with school.  Y’all are NOT having any Tennessee babies.

I wish y’all nothing but joy and happiness.  Thank you so much for letting me a part of y’all’s special day. I love you both J

The feeling I never want to feel again

That feeling you get in the pit of your stomach when you don't hear from them.  You worry, you're scared.  You don't want anything bad to have happened to them.  Then you get angry and frustrated.  It's not the first time this has happened.  It's gotten to be almost routine to not hear from them.  You should almost expect it.  You sit there and try to go about your day completely preoccupied, going back and forth between being worried about them and being angry with them.  Then finally, after you've been awake several hours, you hear from them.  First, a pathetic excuse of a text saying they just woke up and completely crashed from being exhausted.  Then, they say they're sorry (if they even do that) and say they have errands to run or tons of schoolwork to delve into.  They text sporadically throughout the day, disappearing and not responding for hours at a time.  You get to deal with their excuses and lies, trying to figure what to believe, what to ignore, and what to call them out on.  You usually believe most everything because they ALWAYS have great explanations, ignore very little, and call them out on even less.  Calling them out on the most egregious lies just leads to a fight with you being the one to apologize.  Why would you want to deal with it?  Ignoring it works just fine...

If you get a phone call that day, you feel like a princess.  The most important girl in the world.  They actually called you.  If there's no call, then there are at least some texts at night, with maybe, if you're lucky, a goodnight text.

Thrown in there is always placating "I'm sorry" and "I love you" texts to smooth everything over and to make you feel like everything is ok.  To not worry. To not be angry. To not give up...

I don't have to ever feel that feeling again.  I moved on and realize that I needed to be treated better.  Now, I don't have to wonder if he's lying to me, or hiding things from me.  I know he loves me.  He doesn't text that often because he's usually with me.  We talk on the phone even when he's not with me.  He loves me.

Academic Epiphany, Part Two: End of the Semester and Thesis Changes...Again

One year down on my Masters degree.  The grades are all in and I survived what was a pretty difficult semester.  Issues with professors, issues with content, and issues with procrastination made for an unpredictable outcome grade-wise.  I pulled it all together and came out unscathed.  I can say with no shame that I am happy with my B in ANTH 602 and hope to never have to take another archaeological method and theory class again.

If anyone out there has been keeping score while reading my blog, you will know I've been having trouble with my thesis topic.  I thought for sure that I had gotten it all straightened out.  I was going to study the effects of the Texas drought on the hunting industry.  Yes, kinks were still being hammered out, but research topics are always in a sort of fluctuation, being melded and molded every which way until its absolutely perfect.  I thought that was the stage I was in.  After the end of the semester calmed down, I emailed my adviser essentially asking what my next step should be.  I wasn't sure if he wanted to meet with me to work out a summer game plan or if an email would suffice.  In the email, I *may* have alluded to being stressed out about the whole researching and writing a thesis thing, so he knew I was having reservations about my topic but understood that I wanted to be working on something.  I really hate sitting around doing nothing.  I have a whole stack of recreation/non-school related/fun books to read this summer to keep me occupied.  In addition to reading and working at the law firm again this summer (which I am always eternally grateful that they let me come back year after year), I wanted to make some headway in my thesis, which I couldn't do until something was finalized.  

Fast forward to today at 3 pm.  We have finalization!  I have a real thesis topic!  Hallelujah! 

Ok, yes, the topic is different, BUT, in my defense, it is a topic I've (somewhat) worked on before in a class in the fall: ANTH 604 with my advisor, to be more specific.  I'm no longer looking at the Texas drought and hunting.  I'm not looking at the US at all even.  In addition to completely changing locales and topics, my research style is changing.  No field research...which is comforting and scary at the same time.  I wanted to step outside my comfort zone and do field research, but I think that doing archival and literature review research will ultimately be what is best for me.  

The new topic feels better to me.  My research is still a comparative study, but now, it is focused on two different areas affected by earthquakes and tsunamis (Indonesia/Thailand [which one is still being worked out] and Japan).  I'm focusing on disaster modeling and how the two areas/countries were affected and reacted differently after the disasters struck.  A huge curve ball to all of this is the pesky nuclear reactor problem that Japan has, but it'll add an interesting perspective to how it was affected differently.  

Even after changing my topic (again), I'm still scared.  Laying this all out in this post has me nervous (again).  What if I lose focus again and start to over-think and over-analyze my entire research project?  I think it really comes down to me worrying that I'll fail and not be able to complete this.  I don't want to let anyone down, especially myself.  I've never really embarked on anything of this magnitude and it scares the crap out of me.  Luckily, I've already found some articles to start reading.  I downloaded a 500 page book, chapter by chapter, so 1) I wouldn't have to buy it and 2) so it could write/highlight/underline on it.  

I need to stop second-guessing myself.  I need to just jump in and start reading the preliminary lit that I've found and that my advisor recommended.  I have to start somewhere.

Academic Epiphany--Thesis Edition

I've been struggling all semester with figuring out my thesis topic and narrowing it down.  The more I talk to my advisor and my committee members, the more they tell me that it is still too broad.  They're worried that without focusing it down, I won't do an adequate job and/or will never finish my Masters.  I agree with them, but I keep hitting walls.  Do I look at purely municipal data?  No, because I'm an anthropologist and I want the humanistic aspect to my research.  I can't ask a water table or a reservoir how they're personally coping with the drought.  The municipal data is important and it will be included but it's not going to be the focus.  I'm not looking at purely how the towns I've chosen have coped as a whole; it'll only be part of it.

Today, I've been looking at one of the towns' local newspapers for articles on the drought and related topics, and I realized that I need to find some part of the town to focus on.  Ok, it's a realization I keep having, but I finally had information in front of me to figure it out.  (I usually have grand realizations when I have no paper, pen, or computer, and I'm usually about to fall asleep and promptly forget everything.)  I kept noticing ads on the side panel of the newspaper website for hunting stuff.  Then it hit me.  Hunting is HUGE in Texas.  Not so much for me, but I couldn't believe I hadn't thought about it before.  The animals have been severely impacted by the drought, so I'm going to guess the hunting industry has too.

I'm not a hunter.  My family doesn't hunt.  I don't even particularly like guns, but the more I'm thinking about this idea, the more I think it can work.  It's more focused.  I can look at the hunting businesses in the towns and talk to local citizens who are hunters.  I can find out their perceptions on the drought and how they have coped with it.  I can see how hunting season was affected last year before it started raining in 2012.  Just by doing a two-second Google search, I've found that some people were happy about the drought affecting feral pig populations because they're so rampant in Texas.

Y'all, am I crazy to try and tackle this particular route?  Does anyone have suggestions?  Anything is appreciated.