Whelp, I guess I haven't been updating this as regularly as I had hoped. Oh well. I'm updating it now. Like my blog summary says, I'm still journeying to self-discovery. I'm young, I'm single, I have a great job, I have great friends. The world is my proverbial oyster.
Through all of my recent journeying in life, I somehow have turned into someone I don't recognize. Some may agree, some may disagree, but ultimately, all that matters is how I perceive myself. I'm not going to lie. I've had my ups and down. I've made good decisions, hard decisions, questionable decisions, and down-right terrible decisions, but through it all, they are MINE. They shape who I am. They will shape who I become, who I am becoming. So, when I say I've turned into someone I don't recognize, please don't assume I mean that I don't like who I am right now. I'm just a different version of the person I used to be.
This past weekend influenced me to finally update this blog and write this specific post. In my personal growth, I encountered moments where I haven't felt like I was enough. What could I do differently? Do I need to be prettier? Thinner? Smarter? Dumber? Quieter? Louder? More daring? More demure? What do I need to do in order for XYZ? I cannot begin to tell y'all how many times I've questioned myself and asked the question, "Am I enough?"
Like I mentioned, this weekend kind of gave me an answer. Quite unexpectedly since I didn't realize I was actively asking the question. But here was the answer, right in front of me. I was enough. Don't get me wrong. Being enough isn't...well, enough. Everything in life takes hard work. A new job, a promotion, a raise, losing weight, eating right, a first date, a new relationship, hell even a one-night stand. Everything takes hard work. But I realized that if someone says "no" to whatever it may be, it wasn't because I wasn't enough. I just needed to work that much harder. Learn the skills for that position, take time to ask for help, make the first step and ask for HIS or HER number instead of waiting for the opposite to happen. If I can get it into my head that the absolute worst thing that can happen is that I'll hear, "No," then I think I can be that much more of a happier person. And, you know what, "no" may be the best thing I need to hear at that moment. "No" isn't always a bad thing. "No" opens unexpected doors. I'm going to try and start embracing "no," as hard as it will be.
TL;DR Don't ever think you're not smart enough. Apply for that school/program/scholarship, apply for that job. If they say no, learn from the experience. Grow from it.
Don't ever think you're not pretty enough. God, I've thought that so many times. And to this day, it still blows my mind when guys that I think are ridiculously out of my league express interest. "Me? Really? Nooooo....pfffft...you're crazy." DON'T! I keep being surprised...like seriously. Just trust me.
You're enough. I'm enough. Don't fall into the self-doubt spiral. It sucks. I'm slowly crawling out. I'll lend you a hand to get out if you need one. *hugs*
