That feeling you get in the pit of your stomach when you don't hear from them. You worry, you're scared. You don't want anything bad to have happened to them. Then you get angry and frustrated. It's not the first time this has happened. It's gotten to be almost routine to not hear from them. You should almost expect it. You sit there and try to go about your day completely preoccupied, going back and forth between being worried about them and being angry with them. Then finally, after you've been awake several hours, you hear from them. First, a pathetic excuse of a text saying they just woke up and completely crashed from being exhausted. Then, they say they're sorry (if they even do that) and say they have errands to run or tons of schoolwork to delve into. They text sporadically throughout the day, disappearing and not responding for hours at a time. You get to deal with their excuses and lies, trying to figure what to believe, what to ignore, and what to call them out on. You usually believe most everything because they ALWAYS have great explanations, ignore very little, and call them out on even less. Calling them out on the most egregious lies just leads to a fight with you being the one to apologize. Why would you want to deal with it? Ignoring it works just fine...
If you get a phone call that day, you feel like a princess. The most important girl in the world. They actually called you. If there's no call, then there are at least some texts at night, with maybe, if you're lucky, a goodnight text.
Thrown in there is always placating "I'm sorry" and "I love you" texts to smooth everything over and to make you feel like everything is ok. To not worry. To not be angry. To not give up...
I don't have to ever feel that feeling again. I moved on and realize that I needed to be treated better. Now, I don't have to wonder if he's lying to me, or hiding things from me. I know he loves me. He doesn't text that often because he's usually with me. We talk on the phone even when he's not with me. He loves me.
Monday, May 28, 2012
Monday, May 21, 2012
Academic Epiphany, Part Two: End of the Semester and Thesis Changes...Again
One year down on my Masters degree. The grades are all in and I survived what was a pretty difficult semester. Issues with professors, issues with content, and issues with procrastination made for an unpredictable outcome grade-wise. I pulled it all together and came out unscathed. I can say with no shame that I am happy with my B in ANTH 602 and hope to never have to take another archaeological method and theory class again.
If anyone out there has been keeping score while reading my blog, you will know I've been having trouble with my thesis topic. I thought for sure that I had gotten it all straightened out. I was going to study the effects of the Texas drought on the hunting industry. Yes, kinks were still being hammered out, but research topics are always in a sort of fluctuation, being melded and molded every which way until its absolutely perfect. I thought that was the stage I was in. After the end of the semester calmed down, I emailed my adviser essentially asking what my next step should be. I wasn't sure if he wanted to meet with me to work out a summer game plan or if an email would suffice. In the email, I *may* have alluded to being stressed out about the whole researching and writing a thesis thing, so he knew I was having reservations about my topic but understood that I wanted to be working on something. I really hate sitting around doing nothing. I have a whole stack of recreation/non-school related/fun books to read this summer to keep me occupied. In addition to reading and working at the law firm again this summer (which I am always eternally grateful that they let me come back year after year), I wanted to make some headway in my thesis, which I couldn't do until something was finalized.
Fast forward to today at 3 pm. We have finalization! I have a real thesis topic! Hallelujah!
Ok, yes, the topic is different, BUT, in my defense, it is a topic I've (somewhat) worked on before in a class in the fall: ANTH 604 with my advisor, to be more specific. I'm no longer looking at the Texas drought and hunting. I'm not looking at the US at all even. In addition to completely changing locales and topics, my research style is changing. No field research...which is comforting and scary at the same time. I wanted to step outside my comfort zone and do field research, but I think that doing archival and literature review research will ultimately be what is best for me.
The new topic feels better to me. My research is still a comparative study, but now, it is focused on two different areas affected by earthquakes and tsunamis (Indonesia/Thailand [which one is still being worked out] and Japan). I'm focusing on disaster modeling and how the two areas/countries were affected and reacted differently after the disasters struck. A huge curve ball to all of this is the pesky nuclear reactor problem that Japan has, but it'll add an interesting perspective to how it was affected differently.
Even after changing my topic (again), I'm still scared. Laying this all out in this post has me nervous (again). What if I lose focus again and start to over-think and over-analyze my entire research project? I think it really comes down to me worrying that I'll fail and not be able to complete this. I don't want to let anyone down, especially myself. I've never really embarked on anything of this magnitude and it scares the crap out of me. Luckily, I've already found some articles to start reading. I downloaded a 500 page book, chapter by chapter, so 1) I wouldn't have to buy it and 2) so it could write/highlight/underline on it.
I need to stop second-guessing myself. I need to just jump in and start reading the preliminary lit that I've found and that my advisor recommended. I have to start somewhere.
Monday, April 9, 2012
Academic Epiphany--Thesis Edition
I've been struggling all semester with figuring out my thesis topic and narrowing it down. The more I talk to my advisor and my committee members, the more they tell me that it is still too broad. They're worried that without focusing it down, I won't do an adequate job and/or will never finish my Masters. I agree with them, but I keep hitting walls. Do I look at purely municipal data? No, because I'm an anthropologist and I want the humanistic aspect to my research. I can't ask a water table or a reservoir how they're personally coping with the drought. The municipal data is important and it will be included but it's not going to be the focus. I'm not looking at purely how the towns I've chosen have coped as a whole; it'll only be part of it.
Today, I've been looking at one of the towns' local newspapers for articles on the drought and related topics, and I realized that I need to find some part of the town to focus on. Ok, it's a realization I keep having, but I finally had information in front of me to figure it out. (I usually have grand realizations when I have no paper, pen, or computer, and I'm usually about to fall asleep and promptly forget everything.) I kept noticing ads on the side panel of the newspaper website for hunting stuff. Then it hit me. Hunting is HUGE in Texas. Not so much for me, but I couldn't believe I hadn't thought about it before. The animals have been severely impacted by the drought, so I'm going to guess the hunting industry has too.
I'm not a hunter. My family doesn't hunt. I don't even particularly like guns, but the more I'm thinking about this idea, the more I think it can work. It's more focused. I can look at the hunting businesses in the towns and talk to local citizens who are hunters. I can find out their perceptions on the drought and how they have coped with it. I can see how hunting season was affected last year before it started raining in 2012. Just by doing a two-second Google search, I've found that some people were happy about the drought affecting feral pig populations because they're so rampant in Texas.
Y'all, am I crazy to try and tackle this particular route? Does anyone have suggestions? Anything is appreciated.
Today, I've been looking at one of the towns' local newspapers for articles on the drought and related topics, and I realized that I need to find some part of the town to focus on. Ok, it's a realization I keep having, but I finally had information in front of me to figure it out. (I usually have grand realizations when I have no paper, pen, or computer, and I'm usually about to fall asleep and promptly forget everything.) I kept noticing ads on the side panel of the newspaper website for hunting stuff. Then it hit me. Hunting is HUGE in Texas. Not so much for me, but I couldn't believe I hadn't thought about it before. The animals have been severely impacted by the drought, so I'm going to guess the hunting industry has too.
I'm not a hunter. My family doesn't hunt. I don't even particularly like guns, but the more I'm thinking about this idea, the more I think it can work. It's more focused. I can look at the hunting businesses in the towns and talk to local citizens who are hunters. I can find out their perceptions on the drought and how they have coped with it. I can see how hunting season was affected last year before it started raining in 2012. Just by doing a two-second Google search, I've found that some people were happy about the drought affecting feral pig populations because they're so rampant in Texas.
Y'all, am I crazy to try and tackle this particular route? Does anyone have suggestions? Anything is appreciated.
Monday, March 26, 2012
Why Alcohol and Politics Don't Mix
I mentioned it on Facebook and Twitter Sunday morning, but here's the full story (with pictures at the end) on what happened.
For those of you who have never been to College Station (or who haven't been in 25+ years), there is a part of town, right across the street from campus on University Dr., called Northgate. It's the part of town with a lot of bars, a few restaurants, and, nightly every weekend, lots of drunk Aggies. I was out with a few friends and Andrew at the local pub, O'Bannons, drinking, people watching, and just generally hanging out. In the center of Northgate, across the street from where we were drinking, there is a numbered parking lot where many people park. It's a high traffic area for vehicles and pedestrians walking to their cars, other establishments, or home.
Andrew and I only paid for two hours and I still needed to read and study, so we didn't want to stay out late. We said our good-byes and headed back to my car a little before 12:30. We were in my car because I was wearing a dress and hate climbing in and out of his truck while wearing one (it's not lady-like...and I'm sooooo not graceful). Andrew was driving home though. When we get in the car, I looked back and thought my back window had condensation on it because it was so clouded...but there was super low humidity and no condensation anywhere else...I started to freak out and said "Oh my God, is my back window shattered?" Andrew told me to stay in the car and he got out. I didn't listen and got out too because I was freaking out. My back window was shattered! He went and found a bicycle cop but I knew that were was going to be no point. No cameras and with thousands of drunk people walking around, no one would be caught. My back window was shattered because a beer bottle full of dip/chew spit was throw at it from, probably, the sidewalk or road running behind where we parked. The point of impact was obvious. The spit was all down my car, and the broken bottle was shattered by my driver's side window.
I wish that it had been a freak drunk idiot, blinding throwing his gross bottle full of spit, but it wasn't. It's not really a surprise to anyone that know me that I'm a Democrat. I may not bring it up in certain situations, but if you've ever kept tabs of my online or in school, you'd know. I'm not ashamed of being a Democrat. I have an Obama 2012 bumper sticker, a Texans for Obama sticker, and an HRC sticker. The bottle was thrown because of the first two stickers. (Side note: I'm almost certain that most Aggie bumpkins don't have a clue what the HRC, let alone what the blue and yellow equal sign sticker means, so I don't think it contributed.)
Both my parents agree that I should probably take the stickers off my car...and I agree. I hate that I have to. I hate that I can't express my views without my vehicle being vandalized. If you disagree with me, then let's have a civilized discussion/debate. I am vehemently opposed to many Republican figures/politicians/candidates, but I'm not going to vandalize something because of it. It just frustrates me so much.
If you disagree with other's views, don't be a dick about it. That may be crude, but it's true. Be respectful, be open to listening. You may not come to a understanding, but you can at least agree to disagree and be okay about it. Ugh, I'll get off my soapbox now...here are the pics.
Oh, and I got it fixed today so all is well...
EDIT: (like 20 minutes after I originally posted this) I want to thank my wonderful boyfriend for carting me around all day yesterday and today. He's such a sweetheart, such a trooper, and didn't even complain. He's a keeper :)
For those of you who have never been to College Station (or who haven't been in 25+ years), there is a part of town, right across the street from campus on University Dr., called Northgate. It's the part of town with a lot of bars, a few restaurants, and, nightly every weekend, lots of drunk Aggies. I was out with a few friends and Andrew at the local pub, O'Bannons, drinking, people watching, and just generally hanging out. In the center of Northgate, across the street from where we were drinking, there is a numbered parking lot where many people park. It's a high traffic area for vehicles and pedestrians walking to their cars, other establishments, or home.
Andrew and I only paid for two hours and I still needed to read and study, so we didn't want to stay out late. We said our good-byes and headed back to my car a little before 12:30. We were in my car because I was wearing a dress and hate climbing in and out of his truck while wearing one (it's not lady-like...and I'm sooooo not graceful). Andrew was driving home though. When we get in the car, I looked back and thought my back window had condensation on it because it was so clouded...but there was super low humidity and no condensation anywhere else...I started to freak out and said "Oh my God, is my back window shattered?" Andrew told me to stay in the car and he got out. I didn't listen and got out too because I was freaking out. My back window was shattered! He went and found a bicycle cop but I knew that were was going to be no point. No cameras and with thousands of drunk people walking around, no one would be caught. My back window was shattered because a beer bottle full of dip/chew spit was throw at it from, probably, the sidewalk or road running behind where we parked. The point of impact was obvious. The spit was all down my car, and the broken bottle was shattered by my driver's side window.
I wish that it had been a freak drunk idiot, blinding throwing his gross bottle full of spit, but it wasn't. It's not really a surprise to anyone that know me that I'm a Democrat. I may not bring it up in certain situations, but if you've ever kept tabs of my online or in school, you'd know. I'm not ashamed of being a Democrat. I have an Obama 2012 bumper sticker, a Texans for Obama sticker, and an HRC sticker. The bottle was thrown because of the first two stickers. (Side note: I'm almost certain that most Aggie bumpkins don't have a clue what the HRC, let alone what the blue and yellow equal sign sticker means, so I don't think it contributed.)
Both my parents agree that I should probably take the stickers off my car...and I agree. I hate that I have to. I hate that I can't express my views without my vehicle being vandalized. If you disagree with me, then let's have a civilized discussion/debate. I am vehemently opposed to many Republican figures/politicians/candidates, but I'm not going to vandalize something because of it. It just frustrates me so much.
If you disagree with other's views, don't be a dick about it. That may be crude, but it's true. Be respectful, be open to listening. You may not come to a understanding, but you can at least agree to disagree and be okay about it. Ugh, I'll get off my soapbox now...here are the pics.
Oh, and I got it fixed today so all is well...
EDIT: (like 20 minutes after I originally posted this) I want to thank my wonderful boyfriend for carting me around all day yesterday and today. He's such a sweetheart, such a trooper, and didn't even complain. He's a keeper :)
Tuesday, March 20, 2012
Spring Break Recap
I just got back from grocery shopping and, I've got to say, shopping after being gone for a week sucks. Eating today before shopping was even worse. No milk for cereal, no bread for toast or a sandwich, no veggies, no fruit, no nothing. Now my pantry and fridge is all stocked and it all looks delicious :)
I had a whirlwind week, but I can safely say it was amazing. Two weekends ago, I got to see a ton of people in a very short amount of time, and I got to have Andrew by my side for all of it. Dinner and drinks with Oscar downtown Saturday, Brunch with Laura and Jenny Sunday, and dinner with my mom, my bestie, and all my mom's adopted kids (all my high school friends). Those jam packed two days were just the beginning of the best spring break I've had. The only sad part was having to leave my cat with my dad for a week, but he was super glad to see me last night when we finally got home and he was even good in the car on the way back to College Station.
Back in December, Andrew asked me to travel to Denver with him over Spring Break to meet his sister and brother-in-law. Ever since, I was super excited and nervous at the same time. He had met most of my family already, but this was going to be the first time for me meeting anyone of his. I was worrying and nervous for nothing because his sister and brother-in-law are super laid back, incredibly nice, and really awesome people to spend time with. Their house is beautiful and Denver as a whole is a gorgeous place to live.
We watched a TON of basketball while we were there (March Madness, duh) and we all took solace in each other's company as we lamented the utter beating our brackets took. They were sad Harvard lost, Andrew was sad Montana lost, and I was happy that Baylor won (twice, but who's counting?). Friday night, we watched Beauty and the Beast on stage in downtown Denver, Saturday we went to the St. Patrick's Day Parade and walked around LoDo (Lower Downtown), and that night, we went to the Nuggets vs. Celtics game. Sunday, Andrew and I went to Red Rocks Park/Amphitheater, which was absolutely stunning. It kind of sucked though because I am definitely not used to that high of altitude. I was sitting down trying to not die while little kids were running around me and a hundred people were exercising, running up and down the rows of seats. Jerks...anyway...
I had a whirlwind week, but I can safely say it was amazing. Two weekends ago, I got to see a ton of people in a very short amount of time, and I got to have Andrew by my side for all of it. Dinner and drinks with Oscar downtown Saturday, Brunch with Laura and Jenny Sunday, and dinner with my mom, my bestie, and all my mom's adopted kids (all my high school friends). Those jam packed two days were just the beginning of the best spring break I've had. The only sad part was having to leave my cat with my dad for a week, but he was super glad to see me last night when we finally got home and he was even good in the car on the way back to College Station.
Back in December, Andrew asked me to travel to Denver with him over Spring Break to meet his sister and brother-in-law. Ever since, I was super excited and nervous at the same time. He had met most of my family already, but this was going to be the first time for me meeting anyone of his. I was worrying and nervous for nothing because his sister and brother-in-law are super laid back, incredibly nice, and really awesome people to spend time with. Their house is beautiful and Denver as a whole is a gorgeous place to live.
We watched a TON of basketball while we were there (March Madness, duh) and we all took solace in each other's company as we lamented the utter beating our brackets took. They were sad Harvard lost, Andrew was sad Montana lost, and I was happy that Baylor won (twice, but who's counting?). Friday night, we watched Beauty and the Beast on stage in downtown Denver, Saturday we went to the St. Patrick's Day Parade and walked around LoDo (Lower Downtown), and that night, we went to the Nuggets vs. Celtics game. Sunday, Andrew and I went to Red Rocks Park/Amphitheater, which was absolutely stunning. It kind of sucked though because I am definitely not used to that high of altitude. I was sitting down trying to not die while little kids were running around me and a hundred people were exercising, running up and down the rows of seats. Jerks...anyway...
After Red Rocks, we went on the Coors Brewery tour which was really cool. I had never been to a brewery before and free beer is always nice. No pics from the brewery because I suck at remembering to take pictures (sober or otherwise). The last stop of the day was a Mediterranean restaurant in downtown Boulder. We met up with a couple Andrew knew from undergrad and had dinner with them and a few of their friends. The food and company was fantastic. It was cool to get to talk with people who have known Andrew for so long, and I discovered bacon-wrapped dates should be a staple at every meal. So delicious.
Yesterday, we flew back to Texas, got in around 10 pm, drove back to get my cat, and then drove back to College Station...needless to say, it was a long long day.
All in all, it was the best Spring Break I've ever had. I got to spend it with the man I love and got to meet people (family and friends) he cares about.
Now it's back to the daily grind of grad school. At least I have my cat and man at my side for it :)
Tuesday, March 13, 2012
I hate packing
I hate packing for trips, especially when I'm flying. If you're driving in the car, you have more room for stuff, so there's a less chance you'll forget something. But when you're flying, you have limited space, limited weight, and limitless opportunity to forget something really important.
I also hate packing to move. While I'm really excited to be moving at the end of the summer, I am NOT looking forward to packing my stuff. I am a firm believer that once the stuff you own finds out you're moving, it starts to asexually reproduce. "How did I end up with 6 rolls of duct tape? Did I really have this many bottles of body spray? Why do I have so many sticky note pads?!? I have too many books..." Packing will be interesting, but luckily, my wonderful boyfriend will help me out if I need it. I'm glad that I will be moving into the new apartment first, (Our leases are a few weeks off from each other) so I get to unpack first. PINK EVERYWHERE. Haha, no. I told him that I wouldn't decorate without his input. It'll just be less stress to get most of my unpacking done without having to deal with twice as much stuff and boxes being in the way. As long as Andrew doesn't unpack everything I own indiscriminately while he's helping me without even bothering to put it away before he unpacked the next box, we'll be ok. Luckily, he's not neurotic like everyone I'm related to by blood and/or marriage. Don't get me wrong, I love all of my parents to death, but they are all four a perfect storm of awesome craziness.
Also, I'll pay people to help me move my stuff (it'll just be in CS, so nothing like my last move) with gas money (if you don't live in B/CS and come help me move), pizza, and beer.
My cat is going to be so freaked out during the move though...freakout and thoroughly disgruntled. Wait until he finds out we're probably getting a dog too. Eeeps, I'll just deal with that when it comes :)
I also hate packing to move. While I'm really excited to be moving at the end of the summer, I am NOT looking forward to packing my stuff. I am a firm believer that once the stuff you own finds out you're moving, it starts to asexually reproduce. "How did I end up with 6 rolls of duct tape? Did I really have this many bottles of body spray? Why do I have so many sticky note pads?!? I have too many books..." Packing will be interesting, but luckily, my wonderful boyfriend will help me out if I need it. I'm glad that I will be moving into the new apartment first, (Our leases are a few weeks off from each other) so I get to unpack first. PINK EVERYWHERE. Haha, no. I told him that I wouldn't decorate without his input. It'll just be less stress to get most of my unpacking done without having to deal with twice as much stuff and boxes being in the way. As long as Andrew doesn't unpack everything I own indiscriminately while he's helping me without even bothering to put it away before he unpacked the next box, we'll be ok. Luckily, he's not neurotic like everyone I'm related to by blood and/or marriage. Don't get me wrong, I love all of my parents to death, but they are all four a perfect storm of awesome craziness.
Also, I'll pay people to help me move my stuff (it'll just be in CS, so nothing like my last move) with gas money (if you don't live in B/CS and come help me move), pizza, and beer.
My cat is going to be so freaked out during the move though...freakout and thoroughly disgruntled. Wait until he finds out we're probably getting a dog too. Eeeps, I'll just deal with that when it comes :)
Friday, March 2, 2012
Surgery and Really Offensive Television Shows
While you may think I'm talking about Jersey Shore, Teen Mom, or Toddlers and Tiaras, I'm actually talking about two TV shows each called "American Diggers" (Spike TV) and "Diggers" (National Geographic). As a student of Anthropology, these shows are an offensive to the entire academic field. These shows glorify looting and there are people dumb enough to emulate what they see. That's the part that scares me. How much archaeological, historical, and cultural information will be disturbed, destroyed, and sold for profit? At the end of my post, I have two links, each a petition against each show. I encourage you to please sign these petitions.
In addition to finding about these TV shows today, I also had a doctor's appointment this morning for my knees. I've had really bad knees ever since high school and I've even been to an orthopedic doctor two years ago, but I only got physical therapy then. Two years later, they still hurt and I want to see what's wrong. After some x-rays, the doctor tells me my knee caps are weird. He sounded much more eloquent when he said it, but that's the gist of what he said. That and my cartilage. He recommended an MRI to get a better look at what's going on in my knees and then go from there. Depending on what he sees, I might have to get surgery, which would suck. I'll keep everyone updated so no worries.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)